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Ok guys, with this review I'm gonna give you a real treat. I am gonna tell you all about the worst game ever made. And at least 76% of the public will agree with me...Ha!

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing (Driving, Racing, Truck)

Game Score: 0/10, Wait a sec, this is a game????

It's hot inside the truck cab. You've been sitting there for at least five minutes, giving off the sweet stench of sweat and feeling the upholstery meld itself to your pants. The sun is beaming its rays onto the road in front of you, painting the desert in an unearthly bright glare. The windows are down, but there isn't a breeze worth a damn. The little hula girl figurine on your dashboard looks like it's about collapse into steaming pile of liquid plastic. Above the dull roar of the big rig's engine, you can hear the CB radio crackle with the sounds of other drivers toiling away their existences for a paycheck. Unlike those poor bastards, your only job today is to race, and race hard. Gunning the engine, you zoom forth with your multi-ton payload trailing behind, praying that you'll win a competition that has no point whatsoever.

Roughly one second into your race, reality suddenly freezes, stopping your truck cold in the middle of that sun-blasted wasteland. After you peel your face off the bug-spattered windshield, you'll behold a gigantic golden trophy cup floating in midair. As you shield your eyes from its unnatural gilded glow, you'll notice the proclamation “YOU'RE WINNER !” floating beneath it. That's right. You won the race before it even began. However, that trophy isn't some kind of divine blessing, but the symbol of your gaming damnation. You aren't participating in an illegal race for fame and glory, but are playing Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing. But if that revelation isn't enough to stop you from turning off the game, ripping out the disc and setting it aflame, you'll reset the race and begin the masochistic ritual anew.

Assuming that you actually get somewhere (apparently the game can't tell the difference between leaving and crossing the finish line), you'll be whisked away into the most surreal race of your life. At least, it's supposed to be a race; your 18-wheeled adversary doesn't feel the need for speed, opting instead to languish at the starting point the entire time to ensure your victory. If you try to crash into him a la Burnout, you'll end up barreling through him like a diesel-chugging ghost. Considering the non-existent hit detection, you essentially are; you can literally drive through any poorly rendered house, tree, or any other obstacle with no opposition whatsoever. Even the sturdiest of bridges seem to be made of truck-consuming quicksand. Thus the races involve little more than meandering over one of the game's five tracks (one of which is a field of white nothingness that stretches on forever before crashing the game) and ending the race at your leisure.

Unfortunately, Big Rigs doesn't have any realistic driving at all. Shoddy control issues aside (because we all know that the keyboard arrows are so much more practical than peripherals), there are absolutely no physics involved. You'll be able to accelerate your massive rig far beyond the missing speed limit in only a matter of seconds. If that gets boring, you can simply tap in the opposite direction and have the truck stop sans inertia. But even if you somehow lose control, don't worry; your truck's hidden magical abilities allow it to speed across any surface, regardless of its angles and inclines. You'll be able to zoom up vertical cliff faces, crushing pixilated pebbles and splotchy grass as you launch toward a clouded midday sky. In fact, you'll be able to transcend the boundaries of the game's dimensions and explore the vast gray space that seems to lurk just beyond the fabric of gaming reality.

If there's some existential meaning behind such blankness, you probably won't have the patience to ponder over it. Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing is a gaming travesty. There are no redeeming qualities whatsoever; it's a mere husk of what could have been a fun racing title. Since your opponent is always asleep at the wheel, success is always assured. At least, if the random automatic victory screen doesn't pop up first. The game only has four playable tracks that offer nothing more than a smattering of see-through towns, grassy terrain that has no respect for the laws of physics and a mass of gray matter that'll become all too familiar after a few minutes of mindless keyboard tapping. But when you look past all of the glaringly obvious flaws and utterly ridiculous gameplay, one question remains: Why?